<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Clusterfuck by jailor</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25465540">Clusterfuck</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jailor/pseuds/jailor'>jailor</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Steven Universe (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Gem Fusion, Gem Sex, Hook-Up, Masturbation, Multi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:54:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>953</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25465540</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jailor/pseuds/jailor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What it says on the tin. NSFW.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>The Cluster/The Cluster (Steven Universe)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Clusterfuck</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Fingers dig at quiet cracks in her own body, self fused to a palm. She comforts herself in the crevices. From them she draws excitement. Always, she aches of a missing piece. <em>Has</em> ached with it since her first shattering. She remembers the other way to feel. Rubbing her surface, she pushes at chip and rift. If she hits just right, it sends stinging separation through her. She thumbs the deepest cleft. Her form interrupts. A destabilizing wave travels from gem up through her arm and then the rest of her physical form. She shivers with it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She shoves palm to mouth and tries to focus, watching her legs change shape at her will. They fall apart, knees and feet collapsing into the shining pool of her. It rearranges itself in midair, and she gasps into her gem, teeth scraping rima. Her parts form a new matrix. With it she is contained again. She comes down from the edge. The heel of her hand is wet with harsh breath.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The cluster is pieces of the whole. She may never form again in her entirety. That feeling may be gone. She’s used to it by now. The incompleteness. She’s grown accustomed, but it doesn’t feel right. The wrongness of one whole only reminds her of the other. More than ever, to be a shard feels the natural state of things. Instead she’s been made a force-fused collection of shards, trying to talk to one another. Rebottled the way Homeworld made her. Halting, inefficient, with the freedom-inconvenience of a physical form to manage. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They’ve had practice communicating, but not together. Utter nonsense that it‘s harder between only several of her than millions. The gem who was broken into them isn’t the gem Yellow Diamond pieced back together. Gems who knew that person see her now and misunderstand her. Only gems who are also brokeunbroken see her as she is. Only the cluster knows to grieve the Cluster.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She remains unconvinced by sole personhood. It’s not easy getting to know oneself anew. Even single, several, fewer, fumbling to feel herself, formed, she hasn’t yet achieved the clarity of that rare bliss of FORM. Nothing compares to she-cluster and she-Cluster feeling in unison. The memory of extending her diamond-high hand together has become addiction. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She touches herself with the Cluster’s hand. Herself emerging from chaos. Chasing the feeling. Her hunger swallows the boundary between form and self and selves. Stranger to her self and light-bound to one humming uncracked hub, she seeks herself out in others who once were her. She isn’t the only one who feels its lack. She isn’t the only one who desires it.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They meet-up in a private dwelling. On Earth, where no one bats an eye to see mismatched gems discreetly gather, crystal or otherwise. The collection of physical forms surprises everyone. Stark otherness. The Cluster spoke mind-to-mind-to-piece-of-mind; since refurbishment, they primarily communicate in online chat, an analogous method of conversation. She’s not used to bodies; few pictures are posted in #clustergems or #repaired-support. Bundled into one member’s intimate space in all their heights and colors, they‘re everything at once, unusually different. Screenames are swapped. Their conspiration affirmed. The cluster reorients herself. Conversation turns physical. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She lays down. She stands. She sits nearby. She climbs onto one another. She sits on her chest. Forms meet. It overwhelms. Different pieces of types of forms touch - gems touch - this introduction is the strangest part, to reach the place she all seeks. They devote themselves to the physicality of excavation. Large hands in small, narrow spears of legs and elbows against their pillar counterparts. Hair: short, thin. Large, dense. Eyes: one, two, more, gem. They touch. They sigh. They touch. A collection of parts. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The strangeness dies with contact. It starts to blur together. Parts become parts. Hands of differing proportion, forms made up of prescribed bits in prescribed places. What’s the difference? Every one of her has been a part without a whole. Every one of her is only light. She starts to lose her sense of separateness. She all wants the same thing. Releases form. Takes form.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her shards contain themselves no better than they contain the sensation of her. Her bodies’ bodies rediscover their shardhood. Scars nonexistent reopen in intangible mindspace. She drags at herself not herself. The touch of a physical form overwhelms against any of her gems. She seeks redissolution in the Earth’s warm cocoon. She overflows the coordinates of her body, spilling into the air. Intent collides into single-minded devotion and she flashes in-and-out-of-being. Dissolves once more to absent-presence. She crests that cusp as one. They keep themselves together. They leave themselves behind. Fragments of fragments of she. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Light. Formless, at the same time taking form; many, at the same time, one. She overlaps herself again and again, lost in it. Embracing film of every color. Layers is she, like mica, like pearl. Each luminous turn brings her closer to herself. Lost to the physical world, when bits of her body and bodies congeal she presses gem to anything, form to form. She strains against the soft wall of whatever outside world has replaced her bubble. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her balance on the barrier holds, her unbody a tributary of light. Form-many and form-one. Waves spring to and from two dozen facets. Her bodies shine with brilliant heat. Hailstormed words-union beat on repeat in her minds. She forms - parts of forms - a finger, a head, a foot, four eyes, a seventh fist. Palm pressed to gem pressed to mouth pressed to arm pressed to gem pressed to back pressed to heel pressed to gem pressed to eye pressed to gem pressed to gem pressed to gem. Want to, have to, need to-!</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Form, form, form!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>